A pat on the back

Have you ever had a hard time patting yourself on the back. I have - i still do. I met Rachel Brooks through my mentorship with big brothers and big sisters. They were shooting a promotional commercial with her and asked me to photograph the event. I enjoy donating my time and talents. She's a great girl - smart, caring. I mentioned that if she ever needed a photographer, she could contact me. Long behold, she got in touch with me some months later and asked if i would sponsor her and the Miss Pennsylvania pageant with a photo shoot. Sure, why not...it should be fun.

So she shows up to my house, meets my wife and dog, and changes into this beautiful gown. At first i was intimidated with the pressure of 'getting it right' and 'doing a good job' - it's more about my b-s stories of not being good enough - once i started shooting though, all the worries and untruths dissipated (for a while, anyway). Her director was accompanying her and offered some great ideas for poses. It was a lot of fun. My wife was totally into it and assisted with props. I believe she truly loved embracing her little girls excitement around being with Miss Pennsylvania. We all had a great time.


Shortly after, once i provided the organization with the photos, they asked me if they could use one of the shots for the Miss America Organization for their website . Sure, why not...it should be fun. All of a sudden, the b-s comes back - 'are you sure you want people to see this' - 'the photo isn't THAT good' - AAARRRGGG!!! SHUT UP!!! I'm tired of thinking that I'm not good enough - I'm tired of hearing those 'stories' in my head.

~ take a breath

I've been doing personal work for many years and am very familiar with this voice. I am coming to the point of understanding that it may never go away. Sure it's silent for a while, there are times, though, when it creeps it's ugly head back in. What i DO know is that it's a lie. It's crap handed to me from people who never felt good enough about themselves and threw their 'stuff' at me...apparently, it stuck (like crap does).

Well, that said, i want to publicly and proudly pat myself on the back for doing a great job.

Here's a quote from the executive director of the Miss Pennsylvania Scholarship Organization...

"This is one of the best photos taken of Rachel since her state win..."

take that in!

- greg